Self-Care Isn’t Selfish.

Self Care isn't selfish… It's responsible.  It's necessary for good mental health. It's self-preservation. It's needed.

Who is the one person that you will spend your whole life with? You. That's it.  

A core principle of Stoicism is Focus on yourself because that is where the true power lies.  

I have been leading a workshop for women for about a year now, focusing on self-care. What amazes me is that 9 out of 10 of these women spend more time worrying about the other people in their lives than they do about themselves.  I know we all have different phases in our lives that might need us to help others consistently, but what drives me crazy is that they spend NO time on themselves.  How can you pour anything into your cup if that jar constantly empties into others' cups and never yours?  I think this is the greatest cheat of all.  Everyone is drinking all of our water!  We cannot exist without water.  

I'm a little fired up because I am reading Mel Robbins's new book, The Let Them Theory. I love this concept because it takes responsibility for others' actions off of you.  No matter how hard you try, you cannot control what others do or think!  You can only control how you think and respond to others.  It is as simple as that.  So many of the women in the group workshops talk about how they have this to do and that for others when in their household, there are other adults who could just as easily take on the chores or running of the household as the "woman." 

One of the ladies in my last group had to lead a horse around and put "balls" into a bucket of everything she had to do in one day. So, as the activity proceeded, she pulled the horse around, checking into the horse as she went.  Her bucket got fuller and fuller as she walked around the arena.  She finally stopped and said, "I think I needed a bigger bucket."  She came back to the group and proceeded to describe her day.  She did have young children, but not toddlers, and she was married.  Every moment was filled with tasks she had to complete for someone else all day.  She ran a small business, and in that business, she helped people with their problems.  When asked if she could delegate some tasks, she said, "My Mother comes and helps."  I wanted to make the sound that Charlie Brown Yells when Lucy pulls the football out from under him every time. 

Where is her self-care?  When does she get a chance to do what she wants to do? How is this a fair deal? Why don't the others in the family step up?!!!  Her story is not an isolated circumstance.  Time and time again, these women say that they have tried to put a chore list together or asked their partners to step up. What happens? They don't, so the responsible one starts doing what is not done.

Let Them!!!!!  If you decide to share responsibilities and the other person fails to complete the tasks, it is not your responsibility.  Let Them see that you're not the one to put everything back together again.  Maybe Humpy Dumpy needs to stay broken for a bit so that the King and all his Men get the point.  

My husband and I used to call them "controlled experiments."  Something would just be left until the person responsible for that task did it.  It was hard to watch all the stuff on the stairs sit there for days on end, but..it wasn't my s%&t.  

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there.  The Let Them Theory frees you from being concerned about someone else's decisions or trying to control them.  We waste so much energy worrying about what others do.  There have been many periods in my life where I was hurt, worried, annoyed, mad, and angry over how someone else handled a situation.  So much time and energy wasted!  I wish I knew what to say.

Let Them…be who they are.  

Let Them.. do it how they want.

Let Them…make their own decisions.

Let Them…make their own mistakes.

Let Them…take responsibility for their own actions.

Guess what? You can say the same thing to me. Letting them take more control of their own lives frees you to focus on yourself. So that you have time to take a class, read a book, sit on the couch, or take a spa day with a friend. All this is available to you because you Let Them.

Thanks for Letting Me be Me.  

At Liberty Connections Farm

Jill Graydon  2/16/25